well... i decided to ask my fren help me change blogskin!!! HYDE again... but guess wad..

she forgot all abt my tagboard.. well.. i don blame her.. its cool man...

well.. its been so many yrs i had this blog man.. mayb ppl ard me who r bloggin may end up motivatin me in bloggin like every single day juz like 2 yrs bk... haha... i was still 16... and i m sittin down here.. 2 yrs later at e age of 18... typin and facin com every single day like it is my last... haha.. i hav eva wonder how m i gonna spend e last day of my life... most of them of course wish to spend their last moments with their love ones... now tts envyin... i don know how i wan 2 spend it with... cuz i walked thru all these alone... my family has been ard.. but i hav communication breakdowns with them... so, somehow when we wanna ask for things, we may end up arguin like no one's biz... somehow i cant communicate with them well... i turned to smokin, drinkin and fights to get tt feelin away... in a way to vent anger... wad i left now? nth but few broken bones? well.. ended up in this state may b a punishment.... but who knows...

wads love? does anyone know e ans? well.. i hav no idea wads love... ppl say its e love they got frm their families.. also e love frm their bfs/gfs..... its a feelin tts felt in the heart..... well... i grew up in an environment with a word, alone...... spoon feed is out of qn... its as good as throwin urself out into e middle of a amazon and find ur way home.... in my mind was nth but gettin throw out, fights, smoke, drink and grow my way up and hangin out with frens once in a while.... and mayb how 2 get bk at someone who cant remb his name(not 2 mention his family) and punch me in e face... guessed juz tt i hav forgot how it feels to cry... as much as i wanna cry sometimes... tears juz wun come.... ppl say no tears is a gd thing... it shows how strong u r..... but will there b eva a chance for me 2 let go of tt and relieve myself ..... ans... i reali don know... juz cant cry....

ppl in life hav alr found their meanin and purpose in life.... hav i found mine? its been a long 18 yrs... apparently i haven..... most of them went on to b on a career that will bring them to a position tt can bring bk a 6 digit income.... aint tt cool... but some who cldn find a purpose in life... some slowly found theirs... some thot of usin a tupid illeigal way 2 get their way... but end up is jailed.... and end up.. as usually e love ones are the ones who get hurt.... its like... if u know e endin may bcome tt way.. y do it? those who did tt way ended up havin 2 pay up their life span becuz of spendin time imprisonment... and end up... love ones' insecurity may b shaky and tts when another party will step in and take them away..... and usually will b e best frens..... isn tt unfair?

life is full of ups and down..... ppl say.. life is extremely unpredictable..... well... i agree with one but not all... my life has been up and down, but its been pretty much predictable... yep... cuz along e road i hav seen quite a no. of ppl's life... wad has happen? how they go ard it.... even i myself reali hope to find someone who can love me and vice versa.... i alr given up hope... so ... tts it then....


chEErZ....